When I'm engaged in my world, tuned in, locked on and paying attention, I attach myself, for a brief second, to all that I see. I gather tons of information about a shadow, or a shape or a color. I see a shadow and go into it. Examine it from all angles. If I painted that shadow what colors would I use? Where does the scene begin and end? What actually makes up the shadow? Why do I like what I'm seeing? How is it important to me? What flirts with me? What story is it telling me? What do I feel? What are my impressions? What do I smell?
(Its my belief there are others like this, although I've not proven this true, but to a small extent.)
All this, most of the time, happens in a split second. I see things constantly that could be a photo or I could save for later contemplation or enjoyment. That's really the most of it for me, something I see as interesting, something that flirts with, that captures my attention like a soft wind might. Most of us dismiss this wind, we have become numb to it until it gets strong, forceful and annoying. I pay attention to the slightest breeze.
I think there are two extreme examples of how to deal with this attraction of mine to everything: I could stand still and enjoy the breeze or wind letting it touch my skin or embrace me with its might, both the gentle touch or the determination of force are elements to encounter, for the simple sake of the encounter, the experience. The other example would be to strive against my nature pretend the breeze does not exist or plow through the pain-in-the-ass wind cursing it along the way. Both ignoring my deeper desire, my authentic self. Ignoring one's nature is like ignoring the wind. We all know its there, but how we deal with it, address it, and allow it to move through us, past us is our grace, our zen practice of life, which is art.
So, some days I choose not be lock-on, and other days it sneaks up on me. I forget this is my behavior, my nature until I see it happen within my relationships. I suppose we're all capable of this behavior, to be too sensitive, or too intense... Something. My most inner climate is intense, full of rich colors, amazing shapes and contrast, juxtapositions and paradoxical ideas. Only when my guard is down do I see this manifest in my relationships... Maybe that too is becoming more authentic, which is my personal goal in life.
That is my goal in photography. To bring about my understanding of that most authentic and sincere moment, or characteristic in a person. That deep authenticity can be so fleeting that it is only a ripple under the skin, a passing emotion on the face. If I lose my vigilance I miss that moment. The thing is, I don't try to be vigilant. I try NOT to be. Vigilance is my nature.
I was doing what I do, watching my environment, when I saved this moment. She was turning her head and lowered her gaze, dropped her eyes just so, my heart caught. My finger reacted first, but my heart did catch and I didn't have to look at my camera screen to see what I had. I knew what I saw.
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